My love/hate relationship

As most of you probably already know, I'm about to finish my 14-year career in swimming.  Literally, in 2 weeks, I'll be completely done with the sport I've loved/hated for more than half my life.

I've always been competitive and I have loved being able to race.  I love being a part of a team... something bigger than myself.  I love representing the university I've cheered for my whole life.  But sometimes I wonder why I put myself through it all.  Why couldn't I be a basketball player or something?? I mean it's in my blood...

I'm not gonna lie and say that swimming was awesome and wonderful and and FUN all the time...

Because there were so many days when I wished I had the nerve to skip practice and just sleep.  

There were so many days that I trudged my sore body up to campus and ended up falling asleep in all of my classes.

There were so many times when I wanted to go do fun things with my friends, but I stayed home and went to bed instead.  

There were so many times that I scraped ice off my car at 5 a.m. in 0 degrees.

There were so many times that I legitimately got tired of eating.

Should I keep going?

There were so many times when the sun hadn't even risen by the time we were done with morning practice. 

There were so many times when I asked myself why I hadn't quit yet.

There were a few times when I worked out more hours that day than I had slept the night before.  

And there were a few practices when my goggles were filled with tears but I had to keep going (obviously swimming is soooooo dramatic).

Sound fun?

Well... it was.

In a weird, twisted way.

I went back every day in the beginning because it was FUN.  Later, it became a passion-- achieving something that you've never done before is sorta gratifying isn't it? Maybe part of it was that I got super tan every summer?

But honestly, the real reason I kept swimming is because I met amazing people who came back to the pool, day after day, and pushed me harder than I ever would have pushed myself.  I learned how to work hard and I learned what it means to be dedicated. I learned how to win graciously and to be a good loser. I never wanted to be a disappointment to my coaches.  I became obsessed with my goals and had them posted all over my bedroom while growing up.  It was FUN.

Hawaii October 2012

I feel so lucky that I had the chance to be on this team.  I got to travel and see a lot of cool places and eat a lot of yummy food. Now that I'm near the end, I keep thinking about how I only have 2 weeks left to enjoy eating whatever the heck I want... And how I will have to make time to exercise (how do all you people do it???). And then it hits me that I will never be in as good of shape as I am now... and that is seriously depressing.

So here's to my last two weeks of wet hair, chlorine, and competitive swimming.

GO COUGARS!